So You Want To Be An Adult Do You?

Starting at a young age, I had a vague idea of what it meant to be an adult. Adults enjoyed work, they were responsible and they put the needs of those they cared about before themselves. What I wasn’t sure of is when exactly the transformation from child to adult happened. I suppose puberty was as good guess, but that really refers only to physical development, but certainly not mental. I have always found it an odd fact that humans mature physically before mentally – why have a body you are not yet fully equipped to use? From a reproductive point of view this makes sense, having sex before you’re fully ready definitely results in more babies. That said being unable to care for said infants seems a bit short sighted. In any case, puberty certainly was not the proper cut off point.

My next guess was college, that somehow higher education infused a kind of “adultness.” This makes a certain amount of sense; undergraduate studies did require a kind of intellectual maturity that was not previously required. Yet this kind of education, assuming you do indeed take it seriously (a big assumption), does not make someone an adult. Unfortunately, what college brings is independence during a time when people are perhaps at their most vulnerable. For the first time in most young peoples’ lives, college offers freedom. What form this freedom takes shape as, is up to the individual, but I have seem a fair number of people treat college as an excuse for sex, drugs and parties. While I am not necessarily against such debauchery (we all deserve a bit of fun every now and then) I do emphasize that moderation is the key. And yet, moderation is not something the collegiate age group does well. So much independence all at once and at such a young age can often result rather negatively. This applies less to a commuter school like Brooklyn College but it is still something to consider. A quick note, I am not arguing college is a corrupting influence. I think it teaches important concepts and important lessons in responsibility – that quintessential adult quality. Yet, at best, college is a stepping stone to adulthood.

So what’s next? I suppose the next logical chronological event would be employment. Surely having a job is indicative of some kind of maturity! Well, kind of. While this may depend on a job by job basis, there is often a great deal of responsibility that comes along with work. There is also a feeling of self reliance that results from employment, another stereotypically adult characteristic. Ideally, having a successful career is indicative of maturity. But for those who have had jobs, this is exactly that, an ideal. My experience with employment (I’m sure I’m not alone in this) is that everyone tries to do the least amount of work as possible, to just break even. Many see a job as a source of money only, running down the clock until their real life can begin again. What a horrifying concept! The entire idea of running down the clock frightens me. Even if you are stuck at work, the time you are hoping will pass is still your life! We have such a small amount of time on this planet and thus it puzzles me why would anyone want to wish away their life? Maybe this just a problem with the way that office jobs and white collar labor works in this country, but it hints at a larger problem of this kind of collective restlessness. Perhaps nothing can match the excitement of the independence and freedom of college and following graduation, the responsibilities of the real world suddenly make life dull. Such an existence does not seem consistent with my idea of what makes an adult.

Now I’m troubled, I seem to have reached the major stages of “adult” life and still have yet to find a definitive period or process by which we mature. I think the only remaining option is analyze the relationships (romantic and otherwise) we make and what this says about us. Children are by their nature and upbringing, selfish and irresponsible. This is not a condemnation of youth, it is built into us and rightfully so. As young people, it is perhaps not unreasonable to expect to ourselves to be our most important concern. Let be the first to say that this certainly should not be the only motivating force, but it is understandable that this would be a part of who we were. And yet, this kind of innate selfishness would seem to work counter to producing effective personal connections. This fact is perhaps reflected in the calls of many women for men, as opposed to boys as well as male search for women and not girls - although curiously, the latter seems to be less common. A healthy relationship is one where you can put the needs of another before yourself and a successful relationship is one in which the other person reciprocates. Do not mistake this for self abandon. This kind of human connection need not be reserved to lovers or to family members. Putting the needs of others before your own is an important aspect of respect and tolerance as well. It is this willingness to accept others and effectively fit ourselves in to the world we live in that are defining characteristics of adulthood.

And the final component necessary for maturation (somewhat paradoxically missing given the nature of my column) is humor. Because the world can be an awfully serious place - once and again it’s nice to laugh.